A positive pregnancy test is a crazy thing.
All at once you can feel nervous, scared, anxious, happy, sad, like you want to dance, and like you might pass out at the same time.
If you’re like me, you probably also have a thousand thoughts running through your head:
“How are we going to afford a baby?”
“Do I need to get a new job?”
“What does this mean for our relationship?”
And just like you, your partner is probably feeling a lot of those same things too.
She might be thinking about her career, or what this means for the future. She may feel like parenting is the right option, but she may also be thinking about adoption or abortion.
That’s a lot of weight to carry.
So, what do you do?
Communicate
A lot of us guys tend to process things internally. We sit with it, think it through, and try to figure things out in our heads first. That’s fine, but after you’ve done that, make sure you talk to your partner.
Women want to know they’re supported, and just as importantly, they want to hear it. If we keep everything inside, it’s hard for them to know where we stand.
Don’t wait. Tell her how you feel.
Let her know you will support her and your child if she chooses to parent. While the final decision is hers, knowing how you truly feel about the pregnancy and about becoming a dad helps her make a fully informed decision.
Put your cards on the table.
She deserves to hear from you, and you deserve to be heard. This is a decision that will affect both of your lives.
Be Compassionate
Ask questions in a kind and thoughtful way. If she’s considering abortion, try to understand why.
Don’t judge her responses, just listen.
Many women who have had abortions say they felt like it was their only option at the time. They didn’t think they would have the support or help they needed. They worried about school, work, finances, or how everything would come together.
If she brings up those concerns, let her know she’s not alone.
Show her that you’re there. Try to understand her perspective. Acknowledge her fears and concerns, and remind her how strong and capable she is. Let her know there are people who care about both of you and want to help.
Find Care
Before making a decision or scheduling an abortion, consider coming in for a free appointment.
You can learn more about the abortion pill, abortion procedures, and all of the options available. At the appointment, she can receive a free ultrasound to learn how far along the pregnancy is and whether it’s viable.
You will also have the opportunity to talk with one of our male advocates. It’s a safe place to ask questions, share what you’re thinking, and talk through your role in all of this.
And if you both decide to continue the pregnancy, we offer one on one mentorship for dads and classes for new parents so you don’t have to figure it all out on your own.